Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
