i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
