Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize