It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
