he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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