I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
