I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
