so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
