I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The feeling are messing with the penis
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
