Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
