I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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