There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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