So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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