genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize