You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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