I wanna passion pit in your ass
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
