My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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