I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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