my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
