Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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