just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
