Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
