Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
handjob tips. give me some.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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