I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
