Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
