Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
