this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
