All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
