Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
