I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
