the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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