I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
