I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
she told me i tasted like america
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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