I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i believe in u and ur pee
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
