i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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