I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
