I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The best revenge is premature balding
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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