This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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