i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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