if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
