just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
