Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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