So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
