Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
did you just send me my own nude
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
