Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Randomize
