I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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