really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I still have a little drunk in my system
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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