i just made my gag reflex go away.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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