It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
