im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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