I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
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Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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