your parents love me but you hate me
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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