she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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