barbara walters just said penis...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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