Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
