I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
