yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
