my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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