Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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