Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Damn victory sex feels great
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
