I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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