i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Someone came in the potted fern
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
