in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
