Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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