My balls are so social today.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
