I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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