WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
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I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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