Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
