I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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