Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
