The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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