Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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