I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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