I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
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My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
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When did angry sex become our thing?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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