Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
