so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
